Addiction
by Emilie Jane
Summary: His voice is her addiction. Danger fuels her. What extent will Bella go to in order to hear it one last time... Warning: Suicidal tendencies, self-harm and adult references.
1. Prologue

**Prologue  
**

The ocean far beneath me crashed violently against the cool cliff face upon that which I stood, thin frozen arms wrapped tight around my torso as though holding my seams from bursting. My skin, porcelain on a warmer day, seemed to glow a transparent alabaster, a labyrinth of veins below the surface pulsating in time with the rolling waves beneath me, my whole being ripped into life with a shiver borne upon an icy wind. I swayed, my weight easily thrown by the strong gusts that blew in from the horizon, catching myself as the rocky granules beneath my bare feet rolled, fueling my imbalance. I waited, lingered in a hope that _his_ voice would come, ease through the grumble of the brewing storm to calm me, to preserve me, to save me.

Another fierce gust from the west and I knew my fate was sealed, and that it was no one but myself who had sealed it for me. I had to take the plunge, _he_ had grown accustom to my game, knew that unless there was a legitimate threat that _he_ could continue to walk the shadows of my memory in silence. But I need him far too much to walk away now.

Hot tears of resolution stung my wide brown orbs as I shrugged off my insulated jacket, the very garment I had once compare to a bio hazard suit in its protective bulkiness, exposing myself to the arctic chill that was so associated with La Push, the cotton of my sweatshirt barely nullifying its icy sting. I stole myself against fear as I approached the cliffs edge, daring not to peer down at the raging water that crashed violently against the rocks as I inhaled; slowly, deeply, taking one step after the other towards the ledge, my pace matching the deafening thrum of my heart beat until I could walk no more and the solid rock beneath me cut away.

I was falling, this much I knew, but the sharp whistle of the air rushing past me as I plummeted towards what could very well be my watery grave was irrelevant. I heard _him _now, his voice a strangled tenor, my name choked in his throat as _he _watched me fall, heard me fall, and most importantly, fell with me.

_"Bella!"_

My numbed fingers curled gently, my hand slipping into his icy clutch as I hit the crashing waves, plunging into darkness.

* * *

_Disclaimer:: All trademarked characters of 'Twilight' belong to Ms Stephanie Meyer and, by extention, Summit Entertainment._


	2. Silence

_The icy water stole my breath as I plunged beneath the foamy surface, my immediate instinct to inhale regretted as the arctic liquid rushed into my lungs, a juxtaposed burning searing my throat as I struggled for oxygen…_

_

* * *

  
_

"Bella? Bella!"

A sharp voice pierced my reminiscing, carrying with it the grinding squeak of windshield wipers fanning the glass before me and the slick hiss of tires speeding across wet tarmac. For a moment I merely blinked, neither bothering to raise my head from where it had slumped upon my shoulder nor to turn my face towards the source of the noise in the driver's seat beside me, my only distinguished movement the rattling intake of breath that accompanied my resurfacing into to reality.

"Bella? Have you heard a word I have said?" demanded Jacob as he pressed his foot down upon the gas with pressure born of frustration, "You could have been killed, what were you thinking!"

The cramped cavern of my hulking truck fell still into silence as Jacob furrowed his brow, obviously awaiting an answer that I was not prepared to give. Instead, I felt myself shake my head around the numbness that was a product of either the fierce cold that soaked through to my bones, or the stark realisation of where I now stood in my plan to keep _him _close to me, my blue lips pursed in resolution. The werewolf beside me flared his nostrils as he too mimicked my shake, worry tracing the fine lines of his eyes as he chanced a glance upon my sunken form.

I could almost hear his thoughts as his gaze grew hot upon my skin; _"What is going through her head? Is she in the right mind? This is not like Bella, or at least not like my Bella. She is so pale, so emancipated, a shadow of her former self. But what can I do? She will not even let me in..."_

I could feel the truck being to slow now as we turned from the highway and entered the suburban area of Forks, the storm outside seeming to ease a little as we crawled along the streets, unspoken words heavy upon our shoulders. But what was I to tell him? That I had had enough? That there was no point in pretending anymore? That it was going to be easier for him if I left him this way tonight? At least, in the long term…years later when he would reminisce of this very car trip and wonder if he could have done something, said something to change my mind, to save me. I was beyond saving, this much I knew at least. Being hauled from the icy depths of blissful unconsciousness did nothing but prove this to me and give me greater reason to put this to a final end. But I was no martyr, I felt no reason to voice my plans, to give them verbal reasoning. I had always been the quiet achiever; best left to her own devices.

I was vaguely aware that we had come to a complete halt now and that Jacobs gaze was lingering over my shivering form. When had I begun to shiver, I wondered as my fingers fumbled around the seat belt clasp, numb and stiff.

"Here.." murmured the young werewolf beside me, leaning across to smoothly unbuckle the strap that secured me, our fingertips brushing and recoiling; mine at the warmth he exuded, his at my icy touch. I recoiled at the memory of this very action, and turned away.

"Bella, can we just.."

I cut him off as I clambered from the damp leather of my truck, attempting to shrug away the jacket that Jacob had wrapped me in after hauling me from the violent waves of La Push, to no avail.

"Keep in on, please, Bella. You're freezing. At least until I get you inside."

Jacob had been drawn to my side and was maneuvering the thick material back over my shoulders as the grey skies began to drizzle once more, and for the first time since coming to on the La Push beach, I spoke, the calmness and firmness of my tone even surprising to myself.

"D-Don't."

"Don't what?" came Jacobs bemused reply.

"J-Just don't" I managed to stutter around my chattering teeth. "You need to l-leave, Jake. Billy n-needs you..."

It was an excuse, the timely death of Harry Clearwater paved a way for my plans, gave me a reason to be alone without explanation. I worried for a minute that Jacob could see through my façade, my ability to lie was forever my downfall of carefully laid plans, but I was counting upon Jacobs need to please me being greater than his need to follow his instincts.

"Bella," he murmured, moving to cradle my cheek in his large, warm palm; "You need me…"

Despite my stiffness, I turned my face away quickly, not daring to meet his eyes as I backed towards my house, bare feet sinking slightly in the mud of the unkempt lawn.

"I d-don't need you, Jacob. I don't need anyone. G-go! Please!"

It took every inch of my being not to turn and meet Jacobs wounded gaze as I abandoned him at the overflowing gutter, wrestling with the swollen door for a moment before slipping inside. Had I done so, I may have noticed the black Mercedes parked two houses down and thusly may never have followed through with my final plans.


	3. Alice

**Alice**

Through a small sliver in the dust ridden blinds, I observed Bella's exchange with the strange, dark skinned male, all the while my mind working furiously on how it were possible that Bella's future had all but dissipated from my vision and yet here I was, watching her slosh across the lawn as alive as the day I last saw her.

My head spun with impossibilities as I debated with myself over whether to stay or to leave before Bella knew I was here. Had my purpose of driving halfway across the country been but to see if Bella was alive and well? And had I not seen her, a walking, breathing, talking being? I turned sharply and silently on my heels as the front door rattled loudly, wood grinding against wood as it was jimmied from its swollen frame. Bella would enter the house in seven seconds; I still had time to leave. And yet, I found myself unable to as I cast another glance over my shoulder at the now ajar door.

4..3..2..1..

My footfalls were absolutely mute as I ascended the staircase to Bella's room with graceful agility, to wait in the shadows for her, questions puckering my pale lips, grasping logic for answers.


	4. Finality

**Finality**

I took observant note that house was silent and empty as the front door clicked close behind me. Charlie, its only other inhabitant, was making preparations for Harry's funeral according to Jake, so hopefully I would have the rest of the evening to myself. I would certainly need it. More from routine than conscious thought I shuffled through the house, flicking switches to illuminate the vacant rooms, sudden bursts of light casting shadows into perspective and blinding me with their luminosity. I scoured the back of my hand across my dark orbs to clear the pinpoints of light that stung my irises as I dragged my drenched, hunched form up the staircase, feet catching the edge of every step with weariness.

Hovering between my bedroom and the bathroom, I considered my next thoughts with extreme deliberation. Deciding after a minute that I needed to get out of these sopping garments before anything else, and thus trudged off to the bathroom, letting the door swing closed behind me, the lock unnecessary. The bathroom that Charlie and I shared was 'cozy', to say the least, leaving not three steps in either direction for me to pace as I peeled off Jakes jacket and my sweatshirt that clung to me like a second skin, my frustration building as the hem caught and I wrenched it over my head, tearing the side seam in the process. Flinging the wet mass aside, I ran a claw shaped hand through my matted locks, as I paused to survey myself in the small rectangle of glass that served at the doors of the medicine cabinet.

I was a mess. My dripping tresses hung about my shoulders in unruly tangles, my skin had surpassed its transparent chill and was tinged an odd violet, and my teeth chattered loudly, the sound ricocheting off the bathroom tiles to reverb back upon me, reminding me off the awful chill that stiffened my bruised body. My reflection portrayed my jerky movement as the hand clawing at my snarled hair lingered towards my inner left temple, gently pressing upon the fragile skin as my bloodshot eyes glazed slick with hot tears. I was a shadow of the girl I was half a year ago. I was bruised, I was broken, I was beat. What had _he _reduced me to?

I barely knew my fist was hurtling towards the rectangular glass until the sharp smash of broken glass ripped through the small bathroom, thin slivers glittering as they appeared to explode around my fist and shatter across the vanity and tiles. I seemed to be moving from the urge of realization, so detached from myself, so torn from _his _Bella and the Bella _he _had left behind that there was no longer a sense of control; only the instinct to put an end to the pain that raked my entire body, to fill the void in my chest where the heart _he _stole used to beat.

I seemed to watch from above as I reached out to seize a shard that sparkled a beacon against the white vanity; its very glittering reminding me of him in a stab of pain so dull it barely registered through the stout recognition of what was to come. The glass sliced my palm as I gripped it roughly, a dash of crimson dotting the counter top like warm tears as I extended my forearm and placed the shard against my chilled skin. I barely knew the stinging drag as my wrist puckered behind the glass, only feeling the warm relief that crashed over me as the angry line split to spill crimson across the tiles, splattering my bare feet. I inhaled sharply the metallic tang of my own blood as I raised the shard to strike again in time with _his _roaring cry:

_"Bella!"_

The cold, stony hand of death grasped my unharmed wrist as my knees buckled, the scent of my own lifeblood overcoming what little resolution remained. The dizzying plummet of the tiles rushing up to meet me was stopped abruptly, however, by the clasp of arms around my waist, lowering me to the tiles in a slumped, but upright position.

"Bella? Bella!"

In my barely aware state, my brow creased and I swallowed hard; the voice, it was wrong now, not the smooth velvet that could ease my suffering, but a shrill chime, much like that of bells. It pealed again;

"Bella! No, Bella, what were you thinking!"

Through my ebbing numbness, I could feel cold, marble hands prising open my fist, a small tinkle echoing, the sound of my implement of destruction behind hurled across the bathroom to shatter on the opposite wall. I urged my eyes to open, but to no avail. I was much too warm, much too content, and much too numb to do so; I merely wanted to sleep, restfully, without nightmare, in blissful unconsciousness. I could feel my body slouching further down towards the cool tiles as a pressure was applied to my slashed arm, I wanted to protest but my head swam and a mere garble of nonsense passed my bluish lips, the sound silenced to a hush as I finally succumb to the darkness.


	5. Predator

**Predator**

The rocking chair in the shadowy corner of Bella's bedroom made for the perfect position to wait for her entrance as I listened to the shuffle of footsteps on the floor below, moving from room to room illuminating the house as far as I could tell from the sudden artificial light that bathed the staircase. Still and silent, I dared not breath as I awaited her appearance, the scent she exuded too luscious, too tempting to me at the present time. I cast my mind back to the last time I hunted, fours day ago with Jasper and Esme, a herd of deer our hunt, their herbivore diets barely appeasing out appetites. I had planned to go again this evening, but my vision of Bella jumping from the cliff face had instead spurred my sojourn this afternoon, all thought of feeding forgotten until now, surrounded by her luring scent, I simply could not ignore it.

I stiffened then as Bella's footsteps approached from the staircase, the creak of old wood bending underneath her weary traipse, preparing myself for her entrance; the shock my being here would bring, the questions it would produce. My mental steeling was interrupted by Bella's lingering, and then unfolding procession towards the bathroom instead of the bedroom, the momentarily glimpse of her passing alerting me that something was not quite right. Perhaps it had been her sunken features, the result of many restless nights, or the defeat of her steps, shoulders sagging, footsteps heavy and dragging. I made to follow, going as far as to rise from my chair and glide to the doorway before the bathroom door clicked shut on my intrusion.

I was never a superstitious soul, albeit, my hand in fate made me acutely aware of the symbolism of destiny; and the door closing before me was a sign I could not ignore. Even in her utter obliviousness, Bella did not want me there, bringing back the pain of memories she had hopefully spent the last few months eradicating. Without more than a moment's hesitation I soundlessly lifted the glass of Bella's bedroom window and gracefully maneuvered myself through the opening, swinging with ease to the tree branch outside before enacting an elegant descent as my shoes crunched softly on a scattering of damp leaves at the base of the trunk.

As if in answer to my appearance, a low growl issued forth from the woods that lined the eastern facing of Bella's property. Immediately I lowered myself into a predatory crouch, lips curling to bare teeth to the two glowing pinpricks that were emerging from the foliage. _Wolf_, I hissed in thought as an involuntary snarl escaped my clenched teeth. There was an answering rumble as the wolf moved forward to where the woods would thin into saplings. I narrowed my eyes and emitted a low hiss as the twilight illuminated the animal that now approached. The boy that Bella has been conversing with not ten minutes earlier advanced with an assertive stride, pausing to linger fifteen feet from me to growl;

"You! What are you doing here, leech?"

I paused before answering, drawing myself up stiff and prepared for what may transpire. Leech? The scent of wolf radiated from his very form, causing my nose to wrinkle in disgust as I came to the understanding of who he was. I opened my mouth to reply but was interrupted by the sound of shattering glass and the sudden burst of that sweet, metallic scent that caused my mind to reel.

"Bella!" we cried together.


	6. Jacob

**Jacob**

I continued to stand, silent, upon Bella's front lawn as the sky drizzled misery across my bare shoulders, soaking my ebony strands until the tips were heavy with droplets. Giving a canine shake of my head to clear my eyes of their thoughtful but wounded gaze, I set off at a jog towards the woods edge, brow heavily furrowed in concern, shifting just past the thinning edges of foliage with a low howl of frustration.

Immediately I was set upon by the pack, voices melding together as they scrambled to have their question answered first.

"Shut up!" I growled mentally to cease their incessant chatter, the silence that ensued only momentary before Sam's voice pierced the hush;

_"Where are you, Jake? We need you down at the reserve. Sue, Seth, Leah…"_

The voice of our Alpha broke off, leaving the question open ended, awaiting my response. I paced the edge of the woods on Bella's property three times before I trusted myself to reply;

"I am at Bella's. Something is wrong. I'm not leaving her now..."

_"Jacob!"_ spat Sam's harshly, _"Your family needs you here. I order that you to come!"_

"Bella is my family –" I began before I was set upon once more by a myriad of voices speaking over one another in varying degrees of disbelief.

I, however, had ceased to listen, a sound at the front of Bella's property catching my attention in time enough to witness the elegant dismount of a lithe figure from the tree that grew alongside Bella's bedroom window. I growled low in distress, an instinctive reflex that had the pack fall silent at once.

_"Jake – what is it?"_ I heard Sam enquire, his tone stern but inquisitive.

It was at the point I phased, knowing that to have the pack realise what was standing in Bella's front yard would provoke a chain of events that would do more harm than good in the emotional storm of the evening. A series of warning snarls were issued from both sides as I approached, the smallest of the bloodsuckers that had destroyed my Bella hissing threateningly as I drew closer, my proud stride fuelled by irritation;

"You! What are you doing here, leech?" I spat, stopping a good distance from her to see how this would play out.

I never received a response, however, for at that precise moment the sound of shattering glass drew both out attentions to the house as her name stung both of our lips.

_"Bella!"_

The leech was quicker than I was in my human form, darting back up the tree trunk and in through Bella's bedroom window as I wrestled open the swollen front door and stormed up the old, wooden staircase. The sickly stench of salt and rust hit me like a haymaker as I reached the bathroom doorway to stare, horrified, at the scene that greeted me. Splatters of crimson patterned the white tiles and dripped steadily from the bathroom vanity to run in slow rivulets through the grout grooves towards the stainless steel drain grate. Thousands of shimmering glass slivers crunched beneath my feet, their pinpricks healing almost as quickly as they pierced as I shifted to numbly pass the leech a towel that she secured tightly around Bella's arm, the source of the macabre sight before me.

I cringed as Bella's lips mumbled something between a groan and a protest at the bloodsuckers' ministrations, purple eyelids fluttering momentarily before she wilted into unconsciousness. I had squeezed past the cold, stony leech before my mind could protest my actions, supporting Bella's limp form against my warm chest as I buried my face in her strawberry scented tresses and whispered;

"Why, Bella, why?"

I was distantly aware that the leech was on the phone, a calm but concerned murmur leaking from the cell pressed hard against the vampires ear, presumable giving her instructions, my inability to dissect their incredibly fast paced exchange adding to my frustration.

"Thank you Carlisle, please, hurry." came the whispered response.

The pixie-esque leech met my eyes and launched into instruction, her previous hostility all but forgotten as our mutual love for Bella smoothed prejudice and paved the way for logic and swift action.

"Pick her up, be careful of her arm. We'll be taking her to my house where Carlisle will meet us as soon as possible."

Nodding once without verbal ascent, I rose to my knees, easing Bella's damp and broken form into my strong arms, cradling her head between my shoulder and collarbone as the leech arranged her towelled arm upon her lap before giving me a momentary glance of doubt, turning to dart from the bathroom. If I had been paying attention, I would have seen the motion of a sob that rocked the vampire as she dashed soundlessly down the staircase to throw open the front door for my exit, but my attention was entirely upon the girl in my arms, looking for all the world as though she were merely sleeping.


End file.
